p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
