I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
