Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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