I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize