So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
