i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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