I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
