Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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