I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
