So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
