Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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