An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
