My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
