my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize