Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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