I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
