If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
