she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize