I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
