There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
