Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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