he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
