I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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