We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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