I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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