Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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