I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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