So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
