yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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