i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize