dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
