Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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