Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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