if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Terrible idea I love it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
