I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize