What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
