; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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