I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
