I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
