So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
