You can't special order awesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
