This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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