Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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