ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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