he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
