I saw his package. It spoke to me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
