By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize