checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
