I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
