I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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