Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
