You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
