So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
