from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
