i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
