Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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