theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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