he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
