There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
