Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Let's get the cat blown out
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
