I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
