walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize