took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize