so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
