But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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