Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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