i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
