i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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