Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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