you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
