Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
