: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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