i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
