we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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