before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
why do cheetos always look like penises
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize