I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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