meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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