Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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