Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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