I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
