apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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