I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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