I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
