He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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