I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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